it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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