I want to make a zoo with you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
