i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
