I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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