hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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