i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
