You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
