You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
