Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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