Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
