areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
