Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize