Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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