Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
