god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
