you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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