She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
