Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
