Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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