My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm like, not good at living.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
