i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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