I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize