I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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