Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
