White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
