sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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