I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
