I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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