Nicole vs. Life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
