i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
