2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he wants to bone in the snuggie
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
did you just send me my own nude
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
