Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Damn victory sex feels great
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
