I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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