why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
