I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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