I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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