we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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