my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
