Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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