I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
