Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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