Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
