went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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