Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He better not be in your backpack
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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