Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
