Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
