True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
