The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
