you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
