Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
