i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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