I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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