He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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