Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
