Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
