Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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