Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.