I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
