If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.