on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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