he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.