How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator