Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
