this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.