We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important