and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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