talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
