If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
