True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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