weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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