I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The adults are the big ones right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
