i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
