And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
