I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
