i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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