he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please come you make the beer taste better
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
