Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
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This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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