I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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