Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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