I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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