I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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