I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
