i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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