K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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