You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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